Conspiring by J. B. McGee

Author:J. B. McGee
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: General Fiction
Published: 2013-02-02T06:00:00+00:00

We’re in the car on our way back to my house after seeing the doctor. It took forever because I was really dehydrated. Luckily, they were able to do some IV fluids in the office. I am feeling much better. Ian was right, and I was wheezing. The doctor also gave me a nebulizer treatment. He sent me home with a bag full of medications that are supposed to have me feeling better in no time. I’m amazed how much better I already feel.

As I find myself looking out the window as the passenger in a car for the second day in a row, I realize that riding in the car on the way back from shopping with Val yesterday seems like an eternity ago. I make a mental note that I need to muster the strength when I get home to call her. At the very least, I need to text her to see if she and Alex can get my car. I’d do it now, but my phone died last night. I had Ian plug it into the charger before we left.

Also, now that I’m able to think more clearly, I realize that I’m not sure what to say or do with the entire Ian situation. I know Bradley and I are not a couple, but we are something. I was selfish, reckless even last night. I know better than to behave like a crazy college girl gone wild. What I did was dangerous and stupid. That thought is dismissed quickly as I feel my body warming, responding to his proximity as I am reminded of all the things we shared. How wonderful it was to have someone to take care of me this morning. The thought makes me smile.

Then I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt that envelopes me. I barely shake my head at myself. How can I feel guilty? This man, Ian, has been so gracious and accommodating to me. And the thought of someone taking care of me makes me feel incredible. It’s just that I don’t want it to be him. I thought I was over Bradley, but I’m not. I want him to take care of me. I think that’s what’s bothering me.

When I took the test to see if I was pregnant at the doctor, all I could think of was that I wanted it to be positive. I’ve never thought I’d be excited, hopeful for that. But I found myself yearning for a baby with Bradley. I daydreamed about us picking out baby furniture, painting a nursery, and being a family. I want that. I am angry with myself for entertaining the thought of anything else.

I feel bad because Ian has been so good to me, but I realize I have to talk to Bradley on Wednesday. I know he basically gave me an ultimatum last week about wanting more. I think I just need to call him on that, and see if he’s bluffing. Maybe once he knows everything. Once he knows how I feel, he’ll feel differently.

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